nigee
Lvl. 1 S.O.B.
Posts: 9
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Post by nigee on May 15, 2007 16:15:05 GMT -5
welll back onto the rails
Where should we draw the line at discipline, even if physical discipline is wrong, how do you feel about verbal discipline.
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Post by biteme101 on May 16, 2007 1:35:01 GMT -5
verbal disipline doesnt always seem to work for the fact
A.) they dont listen B.) they dont care
also if teachers do it to students some students hav broken english so it doesnt really work
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Post by Luna Sasaguri on May 16, 2007 20:19:18 GMT -5
Everyone's different. Like I said before, the child needs to have a certain respect for the parents/guardians for any form of discipline to really work. I mean, they're a child, not an animal.
Verbal can work, but in my opinion I don't think it works as well as physical discipline. If I do something bad, I'm sure as hell gonna dread an ass whooping more than my mother yelling at me. In general, I think anyone would.
Now with the verbal, parents/guardians have to be careful they are not saying things that are detrimental to the child's psyche, in other words insulting things and calling the child names. That doesn't teach discipline, that only destroys the child's self esteem. And low self-esteemed kids who were raised in unstable homes are often the ones who go around shooting up schools. >_>
Same goes for students and teachers disciplining them. I mean it's one thing to be insulted and called names by your parents (whom I think are the worst people for a child to receive verbal abuse from), but then to receive it from the teacher as well? Kids spend a lot of time in school and that is where they are most influenced. It's bad when you have to be subject to that in a place where you spend around 7-8 hours a day.
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Post by dboy6890 on May 17, 2007 19:09:34 GMT -5
i don noe about u, but time outs didnt wurk. i wud get rite bak in trubl da momnt i left time out. ther is definitely a line between spankn an beatin dat shud not b crossd for any reason but they need to lurn an litl kids rarly rely understand a lecturin. wen dey old enuf to understand it time to stop unles they litl diablitos den u stil need to
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glacierrat
Lvl. 5 S.O.B.
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Posts: 239
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Post by glacierrat on Jul 6, 2007 2:26:19 GMT -5
ok pov=point of view
ok hers the problem w/ verbal disipline for the differbnt genders
femalels are more likely to cry males are more likely not to care at all
im a male and may not understand girls that well but i try anyway back to the topic lol is u have to no the correct way of the manner to disicpline sometimes it may take experimenting best way is... well my parents dont ground me and i also dont get in trouble but heres my pov "if the punishment fits the act go for it" however if its unreasonable the child may hate u for a while or mite nvr forgive u xd im not a parent or anything but i try to understand. xd. also on a notehr note i grew up w/o ever noing my biological father because he died before i was even born. crude another long message lol
well i hope u like to read b/c when ver its a topic that i no about i tend to talk a lot about it xd.
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Post by moonlightgranger on Jul 6, 2007 20:04:01 GMT -5
I completely forgot about this and I do feel kinda of bad, er... anyways. My parents and teachers scream and screech at me, they, slap me, but does it work, Hell no! I believe in gentle that always works. Some care and depression show to the kids it can be more upseting then yelling. I know I would be moved. If I feel some certain way, or doing some action that's wrong, then, I would probably listen better with a caring voice. Like I had this teacher once, and we were chill. I remember liking her the best, because she was gentle, she didn't yell. If I did something wrong, she'll just tell me concernatedly, and that's the end of it. Heck she's isn't my teacher anymore, but we still talk. We are more like friends, but there is still this teacher student difference though.
I was once talking to this adult about this stuff, and she doesn't yell, she might sound upset and concerned, but it works on her daughter.
I guess I am more in to um stuff without yelling because my parents do it. I want to start a family, and I'll try not to yell along with brutal punishment, because that never works. Why do you have to show your child you like to yell, and lecture? Why don't show you care, you have compassion, you want to be the best, and you really don't want them to think you are some bad parent? How hard is that. If they know you care they might listen to you more. I always had wished for a caring person to care for me. At least I know someone in this world care truly about me. Seriously the kids will listen more if you keep it gentle and act like you care about them, and you indeed want the best for them.
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Post by Luna Sasaguri on Jul 6, 2007 21:10:18 GMT -5
I believe in gentle that always works. No it most certainly does not work always. In fact, not even most of the time. Why don't show you care, you have compassion, you want to be the best, and you really don't want them to think you are some bad parent? How hard is that. If they know you care they might listen to you more. Um very hard? As a parent you have to have a lot of patience. Kids don't realize how good they have it being taken care of, and therefore they are selfish and ungrateful. They don't see it from the parents' side, they only see what they want. I refer to the kids that don't have to take on any responsibilities because their parents are capable of providing for them. Kids where like, maybe their mother is disabled or something, often have to take on some of the responsibilities that their mother would have taken care of had she been healthy. Those kinda kids, when they realize the burden of taking care of another person, will often realize, well hey, the world isn't all about me. Not in all cases, but you know that is just a good example. Seriously the kids will listen more if you keep it gentle and act like you care about them, and you indeed want the best for them. Why do you think that all kids would react that way? Probably a small amount of kids these days would react that way, but for the most part I guarantee you "talking gently to them" isn't going to work. I'm not saying it never works, but it seriously depends on the type of kid. You will come across kids that nothing but spanking will get him/her to behave. Spanking is not wrong, it is a form of justifiable punishment that pretty much anyone with a brain can understand. Yes babies have brains, but their thought process isn't developed enough. If your mother told you not to put your hand on the stove when it was hot, would you listen? Prolly not. But if you touch it while it's hot and burn your hand, you're more prone to never touch it again. Same thing goes with spanking. If the punishment for doing something bad hurts, then you'll avoid doing that bad thing to avoid being punished. Parents just need to be wary of the difference between child abuse and spanking.
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Post by moonlightgranger on Jul 6, 2007 21:26:32 GMT -5
Oh, yeah, the kids might be afraid of the parents or feel rebelous if they get spanked.
Like my mum will shriek if I say something wrong or some action. do I get afraid, is that why I don't ask things and shut my self up? Yes! Do I feel everything she will object and not let me? Yes! Do I shy away to going out, because she is so over protect and will yell at me if I ask, then tell I am stupid? Yes! Do, I like them and feel closeness? No! Does the yelling and hitting help? No!
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Post by Luna Sasaguri on Jul 6, 2007 21:43:31 GMT -5
Oh, yeah, the kids might be afraid of the parents or feel rebelous if they get spanked. Like my mum will shriek if I say something wrong or some action. do I get afraid, is that why I don't ask things and shut my self up? Yes! Do I feel everything she will object and not let me? Yes! Do I shy away to going out, because she is so over protect and will yell at me if I ask, then tell I am stupid? Yes! Do, I like them and feel closeness? No! Does the yelling and hitting help? No! Um did you not read my last sentence? There is a difference between disciplining a child and abusing them. I would definitely say what your parents do is borderline abuse. My mother is very strict. Well not very, but more so than a lot of American mothers, as she is not American, she is Haitian. She yells at me, she hits me, but you know what? She knows the difference between child abuse and discipline. I would never consider anything she has done child abuse, because whenever she punished me, I may not like it but I probably deserved it. Most Americans are way too soft on their kids. It sickens me sometimes. But then again there are some parents that are a little too strict and crazy about discipline. That is partially child abuse, I believe. And yes some kids may get the opposite reaction from spanking, they'll get rebellious and such. If talking to them doesn't work either than that's often a sign of the need of a professional to step in. I don't mean Child Protective Services, I mean like a therapist or something.
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Post by moonlightgranger on Jul 6, 2007 21:47:16 GMT -5
You think so?
Oh, sometimes when I think of what they done, I feel depression.
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Post by Luna Sasaguri on Jul 6, 2007 21:55:47 GMT -5
Yeahhh. You don't get depressed from being disciplined. Unless you're just an emo little punk. If you feel depressed over stuff they did to you, I have no doubt in my mind that it can be considered abuse.
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Post by moonlightgranger on Jul 6, 2007 22:13:21 GMT -5
Maybe it's just over protectiveness?
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Post by Luna Sasaguri on Jul 6, 2007 22:20:42 GMT -5
Well overprotectiveness isn't good either. You can't control everything your child does. Thinking you can is foolishness. You've gotta give the kid some leeway, or when they grow up they won't be able to do a damn thing themself. And the last thing you need is a 30 year old kid livin in your house XD
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Post by moonlightgranger on Jul 7, 2007 0:44:51 GMT -5
Yeah! You are right. Lol! Agreed!
And also understandingness. If they make mistake, and you go, "I can trust you no more." That's not good. As I said somewhere else, mistakes make perfect. If you make some, and gets crits, and/or told it's wrong, then they will improve and not make the same one.
And understanding why the child is angry or upset is good too. It's always to understand. My parents yell at me everytime I get some angered. And for most kids there is a reason. They need time to help them straighten it, not an yelling match.
If you were anger and upset and felling just um either agressive or sad would you need a yelling match? No! If you were depressed over something, would need that? No! Why don't you act nice and all, and sit down to talk to the child or whatever. Do something to make them better, and try not to upset them more. That's some bad parenting skills there.
Okay, that's enough there!
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Post by Luna Sasaguri on Jul 7, 2007 22:17:31 GMT -5
Yeah those are good points, but as I've been saying over and over, might not work with every kid.
I'd also like to add that in my opinion, overprotectiveness is abuse. If you think about it, being overprotective is abusing your power as a parent. You can't control every aspect of a person's life, even if they are your child.
Some parents don't seem to realize that. They don't seem to realize that sheltering their kid from the world only hurts them more than helps them.
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